Remember kindergarten when everyone sat in a circle and the teacher pointed at us all individually and asked us what we wanted to be when we grew up? I don’t recall anybody saying they wanted to stay home and do nothing….but then again at that age we all thought that being a princess was within our grasps (and as far as my daughter knows it will always be, if that’s really what she wants). Even throughout high school you maintain the high hopes, what college you want to attend, what awesome career path you’re going to wonder down and what company you are eventually going to slay and make your empire. Some of my super awesome friends are still going down this path, a majority just received Bachelor’s degrees and are going on to Grad school and I have the utmost faith that they are going to be amazing. I am a little jealous of this…or maybe a lot, those were plans that I had, things that I wanted to do. I’m not saying that I can’t do them now because obviously you can do anything if you put your mind to it (the realist in me hates that statement). The truth of the matter is that I chose to raise a family early and in doing that I have to give every part of me to them. I spent almost 2 years at home exclusively being a stay at home Mom, I had it easy, I quit work 3 months into my pregnancy and focused completely on the pregnancy and baby I am not going to lie to you, as ready as I thought I was the whole time, I can tell you now that I wasn’t. I was still a teenager, my mentality was still 17 and even with good intentions I was in very few ways ready to be a Mom. But, as all challenges that are placed before us I took it and I did what I knew needed to be done. Slowly over a year I felt myself change, everything changed…it was like puberty but you didn’t get any of the fun perks like breasts or raging hormones…or acne. I learned that the most important thing in the world wasn’t comparing my life to others, it was that baby. I was lucky enough to have a wonderful partner there to share it with and who taught me responsibility, we helped each other begin to become the people we needed to and wanted to be. We didn’t run off and get married after we found out we were pregnant even though we had been together for 2 going on 3 years, we didn’t rush our relationship, we were not yet mentally ready for the commitment of marriage. We started with nothing and were determined to become something even with the rather large bumps in the road. We both put our dreams on hold and did what needed to be done. He worked constantly; we started out living on $8.75/h in an apartment. It was one of the hardest times in my life. Even then the only help we had was the fact our apartment was indeed subsidized. I refused WIC and Food Stamps; I’m a bit hard headed. With my Husbands devotion he bettered himself every chance he got, even while working he never quit looking for work and eventually more than doubled his salary in less than 2 years. I know it’s hard, especially in today’s economy but it is in no way impossible. Sometimes you have to settle for less because it’s better than nothing and all you can do is keep trying. So long story short, as we “grew up” we took the plunge and got married and slowly began to build an actual adult relationship and learned a different kind of love as well as respect. We were extremely careful financially; with research and discipline we bought a new car and then set our eyes on a house. Whilst looking at houses it was rather clear to us that even with Aaron’s decent paying job that we couldn’t afford the lifestyle we wanted on just his income…that and I was nagging for another baby. So I did what any mother wanting more for her children would do, I set my eyes on a job, one that I would be able to stick with and have career growth in. I was extremely lucky that the company I am with gave me a chance; they put a lot on the line for someone who had nothing to show except determination and ambition. I’ve been here almost a year and I can honestly say that working has given me a sense of empowerment like no other. It’s not the glamorous career with the Diploma like I had planned buts it’s respectable and challenging and I thoroughly enjoy it, it also pays the bills. If I could afford to stay home, trust me I would in a heartbeat, I love my kids and I hate missing out on things. It was a hard adjustment after being home for 2 years but I know in the long run that Kadie is thankful for her home and the things we can afford to do with her and for her. I am giving her everything I feel like my parents could have given my but chose not to because they lacked the ambition. Oh yes, I just bashed my parents, because that’s the truth.
The point I’m getting at...5 minutes later...is that if you want something then you have to go get it. Nice things aren’t handed out, unless you’re raping the government in which case shame on you. Don’t you want something you can be proud of? Something you can look at and say, “I busted my ass for that and its mine and I love it”. I know how hard it is; I spend nights awake in bed worrying about money and whether or not I could do it. Questioning yourself is probably the best thing you can do because then you get to tell yourself that you can and will do it, don’t let a situation own you when you can easily own it. If you say I can’t, I can’t, I can’t then don’t be surprised when you don’t and be even less surprised when no one shows you sympathy. No one is going to feel bad for you if you never try. Some of us are out there feeling like all they do is try and they get nowhere, it’s all a process, it takes time. Sometimes it takes more time than we feel it should but eventually I promise you if you keep the right attitude and goals that work is going to pay off. As for those of you, men in particular who have a family to provide for, who sit on the couch and don’t even try. I hate you. You are what’s wrong with this country. What would possess any person who has a responsibility to want to be so useless? I don’t get it but I accept the fact that some people really are just failures at life and think that’s okay. Call me crazy for wanting nice things in a nice area and wanting happy kids, apparently that’s not an average train of thought. If you can’t get a job because you can’t pass a drug test then you’re a bigger idiot. That means you have the potential but a complete lack of self control and ambition. If you’re sitting there eating government cheese, smoking weed and watching cable re-runs on your Moms TV while your partner is busting her rump to take care of your kid and only able to work with what you give her, I hope she leaves you. Honestly, I hope she finds a real man who is willing to provide and build a family and I hope you end up homeless. The world is too easy on you if you get away with being lazy all your life. My Mother loved to tell me how stuck up I was because I didn’t agree with the lifestyles of people they associated with. She was right, I was a bit and it was very unlady like of me but I am in no way going to respect someone who doesn’t respect themselves enough to try. If you want to be 50 years old unemployed and in a bar at 10am, more power to you, It’s just not my cup of Joe, I want bigger better things.
For every Mother and Father out there who work and do nothing but try to please their kids, you are amazing. For every young couple out there trying to do the same thing, which is even harder, you are what make life worth living; the proof that there’s still hope and that people care, that people still want more. And a shout out to Mom’s in particular that are out there busting their rears to be an employee a wife, a home maker, a friend and the best Mom you can be, I appreciate you, I know how hard it can be but you are super glue, you are strong. Single Moms, you are rocks and deserve a Holiday, that has got to be the ultimate challenge and I admire your strength. I hope you find what you want in life, that you grab it and you embrace happiness and contentment in the things you’ve achieved. For those of you who are doing nothing, I hope one day the veil of laziness is lifted from your heads and you give your kids and family what they deserve and realize that there is more to life than living for the moment; you can live for a lifetime. When the bars close and your friends are too busy living life (or in jail) to party I hope you look around you and realize what you missed, the things you’ll never get back. Family vacations, quiet nights in with your wife or husband. Reading to your children. All those things that you are so blessed to even have the chance to experience but threw away for your own selfish reasons. Now is not too late to change that but one day it will be. Just keep that in mind next time you want to go to the bar for the 6 th night that week instead of staying in and spending time with your family.
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