Occasionally on my facebook you’ll see that I’m married. There’s nothing wrong with that right?...except you’re pretty sure I’ve been married for a while and you never saw me become unmarried so why is facebook suddenly telling you that I am?...There is a reason. A good one, sort of... When I’m mad at Aaron or wanting to annoy him for some well thought up reason I just take away a relationship status in general. I am in nothing and then when he notices and gives me the puppy dog eyes or I am feeling lovey…or realize people may think there’s something actually wrong I add him as my husband again. I do this MAYBE once every 6 months, if even. I actually think I’ve only done it 3 times. One time we were actually facebook separated then I realized other people wouldn’t get the joke (after quite a few messages from some seriously concerned friends) so we got facebook remarried, we released doves and everything. It was beautiful. Not really, I just deleted it off my news feed before I got a “wtf” from my Grandma. So sure, I get the screwing around with your settings thing sometimes it’s funny and sometimes you’re pissed at your partner so you take it out the only way that makes sense, by letting everyone in your social media network know that you are not claiming that asshole of a boyfriend of yours… today. 3 hours after I see “so and so is no longer in a relationship” I will then see “so and so is engaged to asshole of a boyfriend.” Sweet! You worked it out! Good for you, all that Dr. Phil you watch is really paying off! For a moment I am genuinely happy that love prevailed and all is right with the facebook world. The next day, I hear the jaws music slowly getting louder as I scroll down my news feed..dunun –dunun---dunundunun…. “so and so is no longer listed in a relationship” You’re F#$*&*G kidding me right?! And it’s from 12 hours ago which is still considered yesterday. I’ll let it slide, it’s none of my business really, aside from the fact you’re making it everyone’s business by putting it on their news feeds and all. Now, if that status changes again in the next week, you my friend are hidden from my news feed. I know everyone needs an outlet, but good God, that’s just not healthy. When I finally decide to hide someone (which would be gracious versus straight up unfriending) I wish it would post on their news feed, “Kayla Davis no longer wants to read about your bi-polar relationship.” Just so they might think, hey…maybe I should straighten out the stuff in my head instead of playing “not it” with my relationship status because obviously it’s to the point where my friends just want me to pick one. Now this is all in a span of 2 days…but it gets worse…there are the “one weekers.” Every other week they change their status and we hear about how terrible their significant other is and how they hate them and are treated so badly and then suddenly they are once again dating what I can only assume to be one of their partners multiple personalities because you can’t go from dating Hitler to dating Jesus and tell me it’s the same person. We’re not happy for you, we’re concerned. Now, in the heat of the moment you may post a status you don’t really mean and follow it with 100 comments we can just assume you also didn’t mean but at the end of the day when Dr. Jekyll is no longer Mr. Hyde we’re still pretty wary to be around him, after all he did just beat you half to death according to your facebook status so excuse me if I don’t take you up on cocktails for fear he might maul me over the table like a rabid bear; I don’t care how perfect you think he is on Tuesdays. A facebook relationship is something to be taken seriously; it may determine the rest of your social media life…Its more important than the career you choose and whether or not you’re a good person( <-Sarcasm) Still, please next time you want to kick him in his testicles via a notification you just dumped his ass, think about it…everyone is going to see that and we’ll give you an “atta girl!” but when you work it out over and over again, we’re going to give you a stfu because no one likes someone who’s as decisive as Rebecca Black trying to decide what seat she wants.
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