Occasional phone calls, inquiring about someone’s well being…pretending to care when they feel the need to repetitively tell you the same problem over and over again yet fail to take your advice, these things are just a few ingredients that come with being a good friend. I personally have done them all a million times over for at least a hundred people, now mind you I am a listener and a problem solver so I hear problems more than your average. I accept that, I like helping people, I do genuinely care about the outcome and I do wish anyone I consider a friend the best. I have friends that could bleed me dry and I would never even consider resenting them because, hey, that’s what friends are for. Now, I do have those friends that are incredibly...lost? I think that’s the most appropriate word I can find. As a human you should have been granted with common sense, even if it’s just a little and obviously human emotions can make that common sense a little foggy at times but somewhere in the back of your head it should be knocking on your brain screaming, “HEY! You! Get it together!!! HE’S SLEEPING WITH YOUR SISTER! And you miss him? What is wrong with you?!” I shouldn’t be the person to tell you that, but I will, even if it makes me feel terrible and requires a tub of ice cream at the end. So what is it that gets under my skin? What makes me, as a person, want to take another person out on a boat and drop them in the sea and leave them? A few things. Just as a disclaimer, this is not directed at anyone; it is based on past experiences and if you’re reading this I do care about what you think, you are a wonderful person and deserve a pat on the back for being so awesome! These are the types of people that I could go the rest of my life without dealing with:
1. The friend who uses you like a piggy bank. I bet you’re thinking I’m talking about mooching! I’m not, so gotcha! This is the person who constantly wants to give you their two cents, always depositing thoughts and problems and even when they crack you open and get what they want they just put that little plug back in and start refilling you again. Modern day piggy banks suck, they take all the fun out of smashing it with a hammer and just enjoying the accomplishment, now that piggy bank gets used until the stopper is so warped it no longer stays into place. The only goal in this relationship is for the deposit-ee to get as much use out of you as possible. They don’t care if you have problems, as long as you can fix theirs.
2. The friend who uses you as a drug. You know crack? Chances are you’ve actually been someone’s crack. A bad break up, death, divorce, finding out you’re no longer a size 3 and you suck at black op’s….these things all have one thing in common other than sucking, they are all ego smashers. They leave a person feeling bad, wanting to bury their face in a bag of chips and just eat away the pain. This is where you come in, what do we do when we feel bad? Try to feel good again, right? The easiest solutions to this problem is for them to call up a friend (in case their actual crack dealer is out of town or in jail) and cry on their shoulder and let them coo about how it’s going to be okay and give advice that for some reason the “addict” couldn’t come up with on their own and then end up not taking it because it must be nice being miserable all the time. This friend comes back constantly and you repeat yourself and send them off with a smile and they don’t call you until the next time history repeats itself in which case you go through the exact same motions and they get their fix and are done with you again. Are you having a bad day? They don’t care, at the moment they’re fine so you’ll be okay just don’t bother them because they’re too busy trying to convince themselves that whatever twisted situation they are in is totally okay. That, is the crack talking.
3. Finally, the friend who uses you for social reasons. Now I’m not going to lie, I have some super useful friends. The kid who can get me an awesome discount at a good store or someone who sells something I like and of course the few friends my size that I can swap clothes with. When describing them though, that is never a reason I like them. Sure, it’s a plus but even if they were dirt poor and had a bad personality; chances are I wouldn’t just drop them…depending on how the hell they ended up that way of course. I can’t stand the friend that is only friends with you when it’s convenient, when you can help them out. I’m sure I’m guilty of this, we’ve all done some of the above at least a time or two and that’s okay, but when it’s the same people over and over again it’s time to get the rope and cinder blocks and drown that friendship. If you ONLY call someone when you need something, that’s not a friendship, that’s customer service. I am not a retail store and I am not a magic 8 ball, so please if you have nothing to offer but headaches, step off the boat now. Using people is not nice, and not right. It’s something you do in a business not a friendship.
An all around bad friend pretty much smashes all 3 of these things together, now go over your mental list and think about who is a total waste of your time and emotions. If it’s me, well….that sucks but by all means tell me to shove it, I’ll understand and probably hug you. It’s good to keep a wide variety of acquaintances and people that are useful in a “business” aspect but do not invest into them as a friend because it’s a waste of energy and patience. Once you learn the difference between real friends and the ones listed above it’ll save a lot of heartache. I know how bad it sucks to be let down by someone you care about but why let anyone use you? You’re better than that. Also take a step back and look in the mirror, who are you a bad friend to? Can you change it and better the relationship? Remember, other people have feelings too and some of those feelings may stem from them feeling used by you and no one wants to be the bad guy. When you give you tend to get, so when you get the chance, simply tell someone, “thank you”. That friend you call up at 1 am because you had a bad dream about spiders, especially tell them Thank you. The friend who knows more about your relationship problems than you because you’ve used them as Dr. Phil: tell them thank you. That person who just seems to be there whenever you need them no matter how busy they are with their own life: tell them thank you. Just knowing someone appreciates the fact that you listen to their bullshit makes a huge difference. So to all my friends who have listened to me whine and moan, wiped away my tears, been good company at lunch when I’ve had a crappy day and to the ones who have assured me that something doesn’t make me look fat when indeed I look like I swallowed a beach ball, THANK YOU. You rock and I love you.
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