They Tried to Make Her go to Rehab...

I just want to start out this morning by letting you all know that in the mornings I want to drop kick my buildings elevator. I get in, alone, and intend for the door to be shut before the next person walking in can get to the elevator as to avoid that awkward morning conversation where you have to act like you care the lady from the 3 rd floor is ready for Friday. We’re all ready for Friday, she’s not special. Well if I get stuck in the elevator to the right you have to hit your floor button TWICE to make the doors shut. That is the most annoying thing EVER. I’m sitting there like banging the button in with my thumb trying not to look like a sociopath and the elevator is taking its sweet sweet time shutting the door to keep the crazies out. As soon as the door shuts I want to kick it, over and over again. I want to scream at it for frustrating me before 8am and I want it to break. I hate the elevator.

Now, on to today’s topic. I know a majority of you know what I’m talking about when I say Saturday. If you don’t, just take a gander at my facebook on that day. You will learn 3 things, 1.) I took maternity pictures that day 2.) Amy Winehouse died and 3.) One of my friends is a giant Cunt….woah woah wait! Why is that on my wall?! Oh there is a good reason and for the record it’s not because said friend is actually a cunt, because she’s not. If you check out my status that I swear to you simply states “… apparently Amy Winehouse died. Huh” you may note the 89 comments that are on it. What you won’t see are the 3 phone calls and numerous text messages I got whilst taking pictures asking me whether or not I had seen my Facebook page lately. It was that bad. Now maybe these 89 comments were simple discussion on the “tragedy” or humorous comments about her hair…but they weren’t. They were pure insanity. Now you may think me getting mad and an elevator is crazy but this makes me look like the poster girl for mental stability. A woman we will refer to as Ralph* for the sake of privacy and possibly my safety went completely bat shit crazy on my friends. The comments start out with a she shouldn’t have said no no no to rehab comment which for the record I thought was hilarious and the comment following it was simply a female friend stating she hadn’t heard so it must not have been a big deal. I promise you, the girl who typed that totally had to have regretted it 10 minutes later. Now, there was absolutely nothing wrong with her statement, it was simple thoughtful and nowhere near offensive in any way to any sane person. Notice I say sane… well then out of nowhere she gets attacked by whom we can only assume is the craziest bitch in the world, Ralph*. We can all assume from the comments that Ralph* and Amy Winehouse are sisters because Ralph* is obviously devastated about her good friends passing and informs everyone how misunderstood Amy is and how she hopes they die and people disrespect them. Between the misspellings and crazy rants we learn that Ralph* is unstable, illiterate and possibly on some form of drugs. Luckily my wonderful friends all jump on the wagon, defending each other and reassuring Ralph* she is effing insane. Seriously if you didn’t read it I suggest it if you want to kill time, it is ridiculous. At some point she tells my Grandmother something way derogatory…my GRANDMA. She’s way off. If you get to the bottom of the comments you learn from me (after I finally was able to sit down and read it all) that she is in fact a drunk and blah blah blah so I just confirm what everyone else is thinking that the Bitch has problems. Lots and lots of problems. Well all that said I thought today was a good day to talk to you all about my cold, heartless views on drug abuse since I was late to the party Saturday, YAY!

Before I start I want you all to know something, this may be harsh and it may even offend you but I do not intend for it to and I swear I have a heart, it just is a bit wary of some subjects. If you know me you know that I have a pretty tough case of anxiety. Medical anxiety to be specific. I over read and over educate myself on different conditions and medications. This totally makes me handy when you need advice and aren’t near a computer but sometimes it’s really really hard for me to cope with. The most extreme medicine I take is Tylenol and every single time I take it I HAVE to read the dosing instructions even though I know without a doubt its 2 pills for anyone 12 and older. When I get a prescription for me or anyone else in my family, I check every pill to make sure it matches the description and then I even google it to make sure it’s accurate. There are worse disorders to have. I didn’t just develop this out of nowhere; I grew up on the wrong side of the tracks. If I had a nickel for every time I worried my Mom would take medicine and not wake up the next morning I would have had enough money to pay for her funeral. Prescription pain pill addiction is so common it’s not even really worth a head turn anymore, you hear of someone dealing with it and it’s just like hearing someone has a toothache. It happens.  It hits home to me. It’s not as glamorous as hardcore drug abuse and can go on for years and be hidden much easier. I see it constantly with people I’m close with. They think they’re hiding it or justify it by the fact that they have a prescription (which is not so hard to obtain from a script Dr.) and they seriously think they’re not doing anything wrong. They’re just making the pain go away. I can remember pleading with my Mom to switch to more natural pain regiments, acupuncture, anything. I even offered to pay for it. This was the week before I was in a hospital counseling room being asked what funeral home I wanted to use..like I brought pamphlets or something. My heart ached, I was the one who was planning a funeral and trying to support my Dad who was a complete wreck and worrying about my brother 200 miles away. I felt bad for my Mom, it wasn’t her time. I blindly assumed it was heart problems or some ailment that she was so often stricken with.

It was a fatal drug interaction. I remember the lady on the phone telling me pill names and I remember the anger I felt growing inside me as I asked her to spell each medication. There were 3. At that moment any sympathy I had for my Mom was gone. Any remorse I felt about having to cremate her even though she was very clear about not wanting to be cremated was completely out the window. If I could have driven to San Antonio and gotten her urn from my brother I would have buried it (which she also was clearly against). I was pissed. Suddenly the only person I felt bad for was my Brother and then myself. Every day we do things and every day those things will have consequences. If I speed because I’m running late and get a ticket, that is my fault. It’s not the cop’s fault I was running late, better luck next time. Sure I’m pissed but that’s life, we reap what we sew. My Mother knew she had a problem. Anyone who has to make calls to go pick up pills because they’re having withdraws has a problem. If you are not strong enough to be a normal human then shame on you. Shame on you for being so weak willed and causing pain to those who love you. Shame on you for knowing better but refusing to change. Shame on you for putting other people in such a painful situation. I understand that “addiction” is a disease, which by the way I think is total bullshit but I do understand where they are coming from scientifically. I honestly think that if someone cared enough they wouldn’t have put themselves in that situation. Millions of people everyday function normally in actual pain without dousing themselves in pills. It’s a crutch and I see it as a weakness, if you can’t cope with reality and continue on your path of self destruction I have no sympathy for you when you don’t wake up. I have sympathy for the people you hurt in the process. If you smoke for 30 years KNOWING you shouldn’t and you get diagnosed with lung cancer why should I feel sorry for you? You knew this could happen…it’s like driving drunk. When you know the person who is affected personally of course it hurts to see anybody go through pain but do I feel sorry for you? No. Yet again, I feel sorry for those whom your bad choices are now hurting. You know who I do feel bad for? People with things they didn’t ask for and can’t control, people who genuinely need the support. My heart breaks to see a sick child or a woman with breast cancer. I refuse to waste my time feeling bad for people with self inflicted ailments. And you can’t exactly say that I don’t understand, remember I did lose the closest person to me and I do miss her more than anything in the world and I spend nights crying wishing I could hear her voice but I know and understand this was her fault and hers Solely . Sure I’m pissed at my Dad for being there and the whole situation but that’s a whole other topic all together.

So, for those like insane Ralph* who obviously can relate to Ms. Winehouse, I don’t feel bad for you or for her. You get what you ask for whether or not you want it or not. If you are out for sympathy and attention, I suppose your funeral is a wonderful place for people to gather too bad you’ll be too dead to appreciate it.

If you know someone struggling with addiction then talk to them, let them know they can get help but don’t beat yourself up if they don’t heed your advice. You can talk till you’re blue in the face (I’ve been there) and if they don’t want help then they aren’t going to get it. That hurts like hell, to watch someone you love destroy themselves but you can’t win them all and that should be a wakeup call to you on why that’s the wrong path to travel down, even if your friends are doing it. If you’re an addict..which I’m doubting if you’re reading this but hey, I don’t know your life. A message from me: grow a pair. You weak, lost person. Take a stand and demand to have your life back and if you don’t then don’t expect any sympathy from me, I am a firm believer in natural selection and if you feel like you need to live in an alternate drug induced reality then hell sounds about like the right place for that.

Free Common Sense!

This morning while doing my regular routine of reading news stories and putting myself in a bad mood before the day even begins It occurred to me how stupid people are…just like it does every day. But this was specifically enticed by the acts of those who feel the need to state things such as “Free Charles Manson”..or in more modern terms “Free Big Sneezy” or whatever gangster name so have you. I remember a Murder case a few months back and the kid actually confessed then all I read on his facebook wall was how there was no way he’d do it and he needed to be freed. Really? I mean how effing stupid can you be?! If you are not old enough to drink and you are out robbing and killing people fuck freeing him can we fry him now before he takes another innocent life? Then there are those in for drug possession…my favorite. Why even lie about being innocent? Take it like a man, serve your time like a man and get the hell off the pipe. This whole “thug” lifestyle is so beyond me. Who goes out of their way to look like they just crawled out of the sewer and talk like it too, that would be 25% of the people I went to school with. Yes you are so cool, talking about how you get money and are so gangster…but according to your facebook info you are working at Kroger, yeah you go really hard, helping old ladies out with their groceries and such. I guess I just missed at what point it was thought to be cool to be a failure. If your aspiration in life is to sell drugs and live at your Moms you have some serious issues. If hard work to you is robbing another innocent human who slaved away for whatever you are taking, you deserve to be worm food. Every time I read about a criminal getting killed in the act I smile and my heart aches with joy. When cops beat kids who are running from them for a crime they obviously just committed I think, “You have night sticks, why are you using your hands?!” I am at a loss as to how people make up excuses for criminals, it’s never those people getting robbed and it should be so maybe it would sink in that even if the little thug is misunderstood youth maybe we shouldn’t sugar coat punishment because him shooting people isn’t so nice after all. Luckily I deleted everyone off my facebook who TyPEd LYK dis because frankly it made me want to cry to know those people were of age to reproduce little illiterate spawns. Looking like you slam your face into the keyboard to put words together is not cool, it’s depressing. Is it really so hard just to use that little bit of knowledge you had to soak up in public school? I remember sitting next to you in 2 nd grade and you didn’t write like that…do you have a neurodegenerative disease?

I’ve got to say this, I know I shouldn’t but hey…its my blog so if you don’t like it that little “x” is up there for a reason. Black people. If I have to read one more time about how someone is getting beat because they’re black I am going to explode. I can’t remember the last time I was walking with an African American and a cop just ran up and started hitting them but according to the news media it happens ALL THE TIME. Apparently being black is an excuse to killing and robbing AND raping ( I don’t know if any of you are following the case in Cleveland). Now I know this isn’t the case for every dark skinned criminal but you know those cases aren’t interesting to ABC13 so I am only blessed to read about the ones where Quannel X is involved. I don’t care what color you are, red, white, purple, orange or blue, it is absolutely not okay to kill people or rob them. A defense shouldn’t be the cops are racist even though they have substantial evidence and numerous witnesses they only arrested me because I’m Jewish. The same goes for mental stability, you were crazy enough once to kill someone and I’m sorry you had a bad day and that’s the only way you can cope but how about jail for the rest of your life. God only knows every woman with a menstrual cycle can claim insanity these days and get a few years of counseling and they’re off the hook. My point here is, please do not be an idiot. If your friend broke the law accept it and don’t encourage their release back into public because actions have consequences and they were obviously doing something wrong. I don’t care if you say the 10 lbs of coke they were snorting wasn’t there’s, if you put yourself even in that situation then I have no sympathy for you when you get locked up. Grow up, get a real job and try to better yourself instead of being a worthless nobody pretending like he’s king. Nobody is buying that and yo mama ain’t proud. I don’t care how the “streets” made you.

Smooth Seas do Not Make a Skilled Sailor

Remember kindergarten when everyone sat in a circle and the teacher pointed at us all individually and asked us what we wanted to be when we grew up? I don’t recall anybody saying they wanted to stay home and do nothing….but then again at that age we all thought that being a princess was within our grasps (and as far as my daughter knows it will always be, if that’s really what she wants). Even throughout high school you maintain the high hopes, what college you want to attend, what awesome career path you’re going to wonder down and what company you are eventually going to slay and make your empire. Some of my super awesome friends are still going down this path, a majority just received Bachelor’s degrees and are going on to Grad school and I have the utmost faith that they are going to be amazing. I am a little jealous of this…or maybe a lot, those were plans that I had, things that I wanted to do. I’m not saying that I can’t do them now because obviously you can do anything if you put your mind to it (the realist in me hates that statement). The truth of the matter is that I chose to raise a family early and in doing that I have to give every part of me to them. I spent almost 2 years at home exclusively being a stay at home Mom, I had it easy, I quit work 3 months into my pregnancy and focused completely on the pregnancy and baby I am not going to lie to you, as ready as I thought I was the whole time, I can tell you now that I wasn’t. I was still a teenager, my mentality was still 17 and even with good intentions I was in very few ways ready to be a Mom. But, as all challenges that are placed before us I took it and I did what I knew needed to be done. Slowly over a year I felt myself change, everything changed…it was like puberty but you didn’t get any of the fun perks like breasts or raging hormones…or acne. I learned that the most important thing in the world wasn’t comparing my life to others, it was that baby. I was lucky enough to have a wonderful partner there to share it with and who taught me responsibility, we helped each other begin to become the people we needed to and wanted to be. We didn’t run off and get married after we found out we were pregnant even though we had been together for 2 going on 3 years, we didn’t rush our relationship, we were not yet mentally ready for the commitment of marriage. We started with nothing and were determined to become something even with the rather large bumps in the road. We both put our dreams on hold and did what needed to be done. He worked constantly; we started out living on $8.75/h in an apartment. It was one of the hardest times in my life. Even then the only help we had was the fact our apartment was indeed subsidized. I refused WIC and Food Stamps; I’m a bit hard headed. With my Husbands devotion he bettered himself every chance he got, even while working he never quit looking for work and eventually more than doubled his salary in less than 2 years. I know it’s hard, especially in today’s economy but it is in no way impossible. Sometimes you have to settle for less because it’s better than nothing and all you can do is keep trying. So long story short, as we “grew up” we took the plunge and got married and slowly began to build an actual adult relationship and learned a different kind of love as well as respect. We were extremely careful financially; with research and discipline we bought a new car and then set our eyes on a house. Whilst looking at houses it was rather clear to us that even with Aaron’s decent paying job that we couldn’t afford the lifestyle we wanted on just his income…that and I was nagging for another baby. So I did what any mother wanting more for her children would do, I set my eyes on a job, one that I would be able to stick with and have career growth in. I was extremely lucky that the company I am with gave me a chance; they put a lot on the line for someone who had nothing to show except determination and ambition. I’ve been here almost a year and I can honestly say that working has given me a sense of empowerment like no other. It’s not the glamorous career with the Diploma like I had planned buts it’s respectable and challenging and I thoroughly enjoy it, it also pays the bills. If I could afford to stay home, trust me I would in a heartbeat, I love my kids and I hate missing out on things. It was a hard adjustment after being home for 2 years but I know in the long run that Kadie is thankful for her home and the things we can afford to do with her and for her. I am giving her everything I feel like my parents could have given my but chose not to because they lacked the ambition. Oh yes, I just bashed my parents, because that’s the truth.

The point I’m getting at...5 minutes later...is that if you want something then you have to go get it. Nice things aren’t handed out, unless you’re raping the government in which case shame on you. Don’t you want something you can be proud of? Something you can look at and say, “I busted my ass for that and its mine and I love it”. I know how hard it is; I spend nights awake in bed worrying about money and whether or not I could do it. Questioning yourself is probably the best thing you can do because then you get to tell yourself that you can and will do it, don’t let a situation own you when you can easily own it. If you say I can’t, I can’t, I can’t then don’t be surprised when you don’t and be even less surprised when no one shows you sympathy. No one is going to feel bad for you if you never try. Some of us are out there feeling like all they do is try and they get nowhere, it’s all a process, it takes time. Sometimes it takes more time than we feel it should but eventually I promise you if you keep the right attitude and goals that work is going to pay off. As for those of you, men in particular who have a family to provide for, who sit on the couch and don’t even try. I hate you. You are what’s wrong with this country. What would possess any person who has a responsibility to want to be so useless? I don’t get it but I accept the fact that some people really are just failures at life and think that’s okay. Call me crazy for wanting nice things in a nice area and wanting happy kids, apparently that’s not an average train of thought. If you can’t get a job because you can’t pass a drug test then you’re a bigger idiot. That means you have the potential but a complete lack of self control and ambition. If you’re sitting there eating government cheese, smoking weed and watching cable re-runs on your Moms TV while your partner is busting her rump to take care of your kid and only able to work with what you give her, I hope she leaves you. Honestly, I hope she finds a real man who is willing to provide and build a family and I hope you end up homeless. The world is too easy on you if you get away with being lazy all your life. My Mother loved to tell me how stuck up I was because I didn’t agree with the lifestyles of people they associated with. She was right, I was a bit and it was very unlady like of me but I am in no way going to respect someone who doesn’t respect themselves enough to try. If you want to be 50 years old unemployed and in a bar at 10am, more power to you, It’s just not my cup of Joe, I want bigger better things.

For every Mother and Father out there who work and do nothing but try to please their kids, you are amazing. For every young couple out there trying to do the same thing, which is even harder, you are what make life worth living; the proof that there’s still hope and that people care, that people still want more. And a shout out to Mom’s in particular that are out there busting their rears to be an employee a wife, a home maker, a friend and the best Mom you can be, I appreciate you, I know how hard it can be but you are super glue, you are strong. Single Moms, you are rocks and deserve a Holiday, that has got to be the ultimate challenge and I admire your strength. I hope you find what you want in life, that you grab it and you embrace happiness and contentment in the things you’ve achieved. For those of you who are doing nothing, I hope one day the veil of laziness is lifted from your heads and you give your kids and family what they deserve and realize that there is more to life than living for the moment; you can live for a lifetime. When the bars close and your friends are too busy living life (or in jail) to party I hope you look around you and realize what you missed, the things you’ll never get back. Family vacations, quiet nights in with your wife or husband. Reading to your children. All those things that you are so blessed to even have the chance to experience but threw away for your own selfish reasons. Now is not too late to change that but one day it will be. Just keep that in mind next time you want to go to the bar for the 6 th night that week instead of staying in and spending time with your family.

Lets Play the Blame Game.

When was the last time you were wrong? Think hard…wait….you’re never wrong! Everything you say is so well thought out and you know everything about everything! Oh yeah, that’s totally me; and probably 70% of the general population. Don’t shake your head and mumble about how you admit when you’re wrong, blah blah blah. If you’re anything like me you only admit to it after an hour long Google session and then you still have a thought in the back of your mind floating around whispering that the Doctors at WebMD MUST be idiots. I blame the argument on the fact that whomever I’m arguing with just can’t accept the fact that they are indeed inferior to my intellect (what a twisted wonderful little mind I have) and then I stick up my nose and walk away…with new knowledge that I lacked prior to my googling and somehow a heightened sense of self, even though I just made at total ass of myself. Do I feel bad about this? Meh. Not really. It’s just how I am and I’ve accepted the fact that it’s not right and probably a bit off putting to normal human beings but hey…it makes me…well, it makes me an ass. I do however attempt to balance it out with genuine compassion and concern for other people (it makes me feel a little less like a bad person).

In the above scenario, I was clearly wrong yet I blamed the other person for the whole entire argument and that was enough for me to convince myself that I’m not as crazy and hard headed as they suggested via their passive aggressive comments. Obviously I am crazy and hard headed …but it’s definitely their fault. It’s so much easier to justify things if we’re not the ones to blame. Recently I heard a story about a woman seeing a man behind her husband’s back, whether or not there is cheating involved I couldn’t tell you. Her reasoning for seeing this other gentleman was the fact that her husband was cheating on her repetitively. As soon as my friend who was explaining the situation to me let that slip out of her lips I immediately called bullshit. I was absolutely disgusted…and slightly sympathetic. For starters, anyone who uses “2 wrongs make a right” to make something okay has some serious pent up sadistic issues going on. If she was actually being cheated on, she’s:

A) An idiot for being with a man who she knows is running around with every Tonya, Denise and Harriet.
B) A complete heartless Bitch for wanting to inflict pain on someone she “loves” enough to put aside his infidelity because at this point she should know how bad it hurts to be treated as the cow that isn’t providing the milk.

She straight up blamed her husband for her lack of self control. That’s way cold, Ice Queen. I bet it helped her sleep better at night, though. When you can tell yourself that it’s not something that you’re lacking that’s making you do bad things then they tend to be much easier to cope with and continue doing. The cold hard fact is, we’re all wrong at some point and our first reaction will be to blame someone else for why we’re wrong instead of stepping back and saying, “I made a mistake, my bad”. Why are you doing badly in school? Of course it’s because you’re teachers suck! It has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that you go home and sit on your teenage rear end instead of studying or putting in effort and then after 10 hours a night of black op’s it’s most definitely the teacher’s fault that you are tired and can’t focus because they’re boring. You’ll go far, kid. Luckily in the real world if you were sucking your boss would look at you, tell you he doesn’t care how much trouble you have at home and give you a box to pack your desk with… or a complimentary Big Mac depending on how far out of high school you made it after sleeping through math.

So life has you down, your baby Daddy is a total loser, you’re having trouble finding work (yet having no trouble finding people to buy your drinks while you’re out “job hunting”) This is all his fault, damn men. He swore he’d be there for you and promised he’d take care of his kid so now it’s his fault you need to go out to de-stress yourself every night of the week and just need a break. No ma’am. The only person responsible for one’s problems is one’s self. In the real world a logical thinking person would realize that fairy tales are made for paper, not your facebook about me. Sure no one wants to see a relationship go down the drain or a family fall apart, but it happens. It could happen to you, it could happen to me. You can’t blame your problems on the fact that you let yourself naively think that you’re the exception to the rule. At the end of the day all you can do is say you tried your best and then move on because staying stuck in neutral isn’t going to do much for you. If you’re not the best parent, partner or friend you can be it’s because you choose not to be, not because you’re in an impossible situation. Point that finger right back at your chest. Sure the guy may be a real POS but you run that risk every time you have sex with him, no one put a gun to your head…unless it was rape, in which case I am terribly sorry and I hope you’re either in therapy or coping well, I couldn’t even imagine. But for those who are just plain out not thinking about cause and effect, remember it takes 2 to tango, he wasn’t so bad while he was impregnating you now was he? And if he cheats on you, the same applies to him, it’s not your fault he’s a total waste of oxygen and never let him tell you otherwise. And just to touch the subject in case you didn’t know…sex can lead to a baby, sure it feels good without a condom but I promise you that condom feels a lot better than the constant stress of being a single parent for possibly the next 18 years. Spread the word because apparently it’s a misconception that sex and babies are correlated, those darn storks are just dropping them off left and right.

I know that blame is hard to swallow. Like I stated earlier, I do it, we all do it and its part of being human. Sometimes life gets us down or we’re just flat out wrong but instead of pointing at the guy next to you saying that you’ve never seen that bong before in your life as the cops are searching your car why don’t you just say, “alright, that’s my bag of weed…in hindsight it was a bad idea to smoke the bong in the car while driving naked, but I get it, cuff me…but let me have just one more hit..” Now if you make it through that without getting tasered I promise you you’ll feel better about the situation, because you actually learned something from it. As easy as it is to blame all our problems on each other and on our situations, who wants to have some silly word running their lives? Not me. Next time you’re arguing or trying to justify why you thought it was okay to let your neighbor’s cat play with a live grenade stop for a moment and think….are you going to blame cable T.V. or are you going to tell your neighbor you’re just glad that cat isn’t shitting on your porch anymore? Who’s really to blame…

Kayla Davis is now listed as concerned for your mental health

Occasionally on my facebook you’ll see that I’m married. There’s nothing wrong with that right?...except you’re pretty sure I’ve been married for a while and you never saw me become unmarried so why is facebook suddenly telling you that I am?...There is a reason. A good one, sort of... When I’m mad at Aaron or wanting to annoy him for some well thought up reason I just take away a relationship status in general. I am in nothing and then when he notices and gives me the puppy dog eyes or I am feeling lovey…or realize people may think there’s something actually wrong I add him as my husband again. I do this MAYBE once every 6 months, if even. I actually think I’ve only done it 3 times. One time we were actually facebook separated then I realized other people wouldn’t get the joke (after quite a few messages from some seriously concerned friends) so we got facebook remarried, we released doves and everything. It was beautiful. Not really, I just deleted it off my news feed before I got a “wtf” from my Grandma. So sure, I get the screwing around with your settings thing sometimes it’s funny and sometimes you’re pissed at your partner so you take it out the only way that makes sense, by letting everyone in your social media network know that you are not claiming that asshole of a boyfriend of yours… today. 3 hours after I see “so and so is no longer in a relationship” I will then see “so and so is engaged to asshole of a boyfriend.” Sweet! You worked it out! Good for you, all that Dr. Phil you watch is really paying off! For a moment I am genuinely happy that love prevailed and all is right with the facebook world. The next day, I hear the jaws music slowly getting louder as I scroll down my news feed..dunun –dunun---dunundunun…. “so and so is no longer listed in a relationship” You’re F#$*&*G kidding me right?! And it’s from 12 hours ago which is still considered yesterday. I’ll let it slide, it’s none of my business really, aside from the fact you’re making it everyone’s business by putting it on their news feeds and all. Now, if that status changes again in the next week, you my friend are hidden from my news feed. I know everyone needs an outlet, but good God, that’s just not healthy. When I finally decide to hide someone (which would be gracious versus straight up unfriending) I wish it would post on their news feed, “Kayla Davis no longer wants to read about your bi-polar relationship.” Just so they might think, hey…maybe I should straighten out the stuff in my head instead  of playing “not it” with my relationship status because obviously it’s to the point where my friends just want me to pick one. Now this is all in a span of 2 days…but it gets worse…there are the “one weekers.” Every other week they change their status and we hear about how terrible their significant other is and how they hate them and are treated so badly and then suddenly they are once again dating what I can only assume to be one of their partners multiple personalities because you can’t go from dating Hitler to dating Jesus and tell me it’s the same person. We’re not happy for you, we’re concerned. Now, in the heat of the moment you may post a status you don’t really mean and follow it with 100 comments we can just assume you also didn’t mean but at the end of the day when Dr. Jekyll is no longer Mr. Hyde we’re still pretty wary to be around him, after all he did just beat you half to death according to your facebook status so excuse me if I don’t take you up on cocktails for fear he might maul me over the table like a rabid bear; I don’t care how perfect you think he is on Tuesdays. A facebook relationship is something to be taken seriously; it may determine the rest of your social media life…Its more important than the career you choose and whether or not you’re a good person( <-Sarcasm) Still, please next time you want to kick him in his testicles via a notification you just dumped his ass, think about it…everyone is going to see that and we’ll give you an “atta girl!” but when you work it out over and over again, we’re going to give you a stfu because no one likes someone who’s as decisive as Rebecca Black trying to decide what seat she wants.

How to lose a friend in 10 days

Occasional phone calls, inquiring about someone’s well being…pretending to care when they feel the need to repetitively tell you the same problem over and over again yet fail to take your advice, these things are just a few ingredients that come with being a good friend. I personally have done them all a million times over for at least a hundred people, now mind you I am a listener and a problem solver so I hear problems more than your average. I accept that, I like helping people, I do genuinely care about the outcome and I do wish anyone I consider a friend the best. I have friends that could bleed me dry and I would never even consider resenting them because, hey, that’s what friends are for. Now, I do have those friends that are incredibly...lost? I think that’s the most appropriate word I can find. As a human you should have been granted with common sense, even if it’s just a little and obviously human emotions can make that common sense a little foggy at times but somewhere in the back of your head it should be knocking on your brain screaming, “HEY! You! Get it together!!! HE’S SLEEPING WITH YOUR SISTER! And you miss him? What is wrong with you?!” I shouldn’t be the person to tell you that, but I will, even if it makes me feel terrible and requires a tub of ice cream at the end. So what is it that gets under my skin? What makes me, as a person, want to take another person out on a boat and drop them in the sea and leave them? A few things. Just as a disclaimer, this is not directed at anyone; it is based on past experiences and if you’re reading this I do care about what you think, you are a wonderful person and deserve a pat on the back for being so awesome! These are the types of people that I could go the rest of my life without dealing with:

1. The friend who uses you like a piggy bank. I bet you’re thinking I’m talking about mooching! I’m not, so gotcha! This is the person who constantly wants to give you their two cents, always depositing thoughts and problems and even when they crack you open and get what they want they just put that little plug back in and start refilling you again. Modern day piggy banks suck, they take all the fun out of smashing it with a hammer and just enjoying the accomplishment, now that piggy bank gets used until the stopper is so warped it no longer stays into place. The only goal in this relationship is for the deposit-ee to get as much use out of you as possible. They don’t care if you have problems, as long as you can fix theirs.

2. The friend who uses you as a drug. You know crack? Chances are you’ve actually been someone’s crack. A bad break up, death, divorce, finding out you’re no longer a size 3 and you suck at black op’s….these things all have one thing in common other than sucking, they are all ego smashers. They leave a person feeling bad, wanting to bury their face in a bag of chips and just eat away the pain. This is where you come in, what do we do when we feel bad? Try to feel good again, right? The easiest solutions to this problem is for them to call up a friend (in case their actual crack dealer is out of town or in jail) and cry on their shoulder and let them coo about how it’s going to be okay and give advice that for some reason the “addict” couldn’t come up with on their own and then end up not taking it because it must be nice being miserable all the time. This friend comes back constantly and you repeat yourself and send them off with a smile and they don’t call you until the next time history repeats itself in which case you go through the exact same motions and they get their fix and are done with you again. Are you having a bad day? They don’t care, at the moment they’re fine so you’ll be okay just don’t bother them because they’re too busy trying to convince themselves that whatever twisted situation they are in is totally okay. That, is the crack talking.

3. Finally, the friend who uses you for social reasons. Now I’m not going to lie, I have some super useful friends. The kid who can get me an awesome discount at a good store or someone who sells something I like and of course the few friends my size that I can swap clothes with. When describing them though, that is never a reason I like them. Sure, it’s a plus but even if they were dirt poor and had a bad personality; chances are I wouldn’t just drop them…depending on how the hell they ended up that way of course. I can’t stand the friend that is only friends with you when it’s convenient, when you can help them out. I’m sure I’m guilty of this, we’ve all done some of the above at least a time or two and that’s okay, but when it’s the same people over and over again it’s time to get the rope and cinder blocks and drown that friendship. If you ONLY call someone when you need something, that’s not a friendship, that’s customer service. I am not a retail store and I am not a magic 8 ball, so please if you have nothing to offer but headaches, step off the boat now. Using people is not nice, and not right. It’s something you do in a business not a friendship.

An all around bad friend pretty much smashes all 3 of these things together, now go over your mental list and think about who is a total waste of your time and emotions. If it’s me, well….that sucks but by all means tell me to shove it, I’ll understand and probably hug you. It’s good to keep a wide variety of acquaintances and people that are useful in a “business” aspect but do not invest into them as a friend because it’s a waste of energy and patience. Once you learn the difference between real friends and the ones listed above it’ll save a lot of heartache. I know how bad it sucks to be let down by someone you care about but why let anyone use you? You’re better than that. Also take a step back and look in the mirror, who are you a bad friend to? Can you change it and better the relationship? Remember, other people have feelings too and some of those feelings may stem from them feeling used by you and no one wants to be the bad guy. When you give you tend to get, so when you get the chance, simply tell someone, “thank you”. That friend you call up at 1 am because you had a bad dream about spiders, especially tell them Thank you. The friend who knows more about your relationship problems than you because you’ve used them as Dr. Phil: tell them thank you. That person who just seems to be there whenever you need them no matter how busy they are with their own life: tell them thank you. Just knowing someone appreciates the fact that you listen to their bullshit makes a huge difference. So to all my friends who have listened to me whine and moan, wiped away my tears, been good company at lunch when I’ve had a crappy day and to the ones who have assured me that something doesn’t make me look fat when indeed I look like I swallowed a beach ball, THANK YOU. You rock and I love you.

Dear Mr. Jason Aldean....

To whom it may concern:

  Today whilst listening to the radio I noted your song was the number one downloaded...in the city of Houston at least and obviously they meant the number one downloaded country song because I'm sure with our general population the Black Eyed Peas downloads are blowing yours out of the water. However, if those urban youth listened to your poorly constructed verses they very well may have been able to relate more so than they thought. For starters I just want to say the chorus is wonderful, well written and catchy. I like it. Now, if any other part of the song didn't make me want to go to an AA meeting I would give it a thumbs up. Lets start by examining your "rap skills". No sir. Just stop. I'm slightly concerned you had a 4th grader help you with the lyrics, they are absolutely dreadful. Its like a mad libs except not nearly as amusing or cleverly put together. Aside from that just flat out sucking I have a more serious concern I think we need to address...now I understand that the dirt road you're on may not have traffic on it but I am appalled  by the fact that you have an ice cold beer sitting in the console, shame on you Mr. Aldean, glamorizing carrying alcohol in a vehicle and I can only assume you're drinking it. MADD would be so upset with you! Teaching our youth that that's okay, its not okay, drinking and driving kills people! And if memory lane is in your headlights you most definitely do not need the distraction of beer because those memories darting across the road are distracting enough and you do not need your reaction time slowed not to mention the song is a big enough wreck without that. I hope you have a wonderful life and please, seek help, there are others like you and they meet weekly and support each other. You can beat alcoholism, you can make a difference!

Regards,
Kayla