It’s just like in the movies, he calls you at irrelevant times to tell you he misses you, he sends you flowers just to make you smile, he makes you feel like you’re the only girl in the world. But how long does that last? A few weeks? A few months? Hell, merely a few days? The truth is men are not hardwired like the Casanovas on the big screen, sure they may catch some pointers from “City of Angels” but the truth is you are not dating Nicolas Cage…although I’ve had some fantasies. In my measly 20 years I’ve seen it all and experienced most of it. I will be the first to tell you how wonderful love can be, that feeling of butterflies and walking on air; giggling like a school girl because he’s simply smiling at you. I can also relate to what it feels like to have your heart ripped out of your chest and drug through the mud prior to it being stomped on like a glass at a Jewish wedding. The bipolar relationship of love and it ending. The truth is everyone is going to have their heart broken at least once or twice in their lives you just have to come to terms with that. Now I’ve dated every guy in the book, the bad boy, whom proceeded to sleep with every ex girlfriend he had. The hopeless romantic who’s only goal in life was to get me out of my panties and into his bed. The passionate musician in which I had a seemingly perfect relationship with. The clever guy whom I became so intellectually attached to it almost destroyed my whole world and finally the guy who “wasn’t like other guys” who turned out to be just as disappointing as the rest. In my mind I wanted it all, the flowers the jewelry the sweet texts and phone calls. Surprise dates that were straight out of Hollywood and most of my serious relationships started out story book…and then the books ran out of text about the tenth page. The problem with men is that without a script they’re lost, hopeless little actors waiting for their next big break and I for one am far too tired of playing director. So are you thinking, “my man is perfect this girl obviously just has bad luck or hasn’t really been in love, he’s so perfect, my forever!”. Oh yes sister, I know you. I’ve been you. The truth is it just hasn’t happened to you yet, you’re still in the “honeymoon phase” the sex is great and effortless, he still feels like he needs to impress you and you still wear make up to bed because you don’t want him to see what you look like when you first wake up and could be mistaken for a homeless person. Not that girl? Maybe you’re the girl looking at other peoples relationships wondering how they’re so perfect, the truth is they’re not, everyone has secrets and behind every perfect relationship is two people who do, have or will resent each other at one point in time. If you’re the girl who is love hungry and out for any scrap of attention a male counterpart will lend you, I’ll refer to you as the “Why me?” girl, the problem is you’re in fact looking for this unrealistic idea of a man. We’ve all been the “Why me?” girl at one point or another and then you realize that you cannot force human attraction and maybe if you stop obsessing with “love” it will indeed find you and generally does. So I’m being a Debbie Downer, right? Well, I’m bringing all of this to your attention for one soul reason: to remind you that no one is perfect. No relationship sails smoothly and effortlessly through time without a bump in the road. No man will be able to make you happy every minute of every day for eternity. Sometimes I think life would be much better off without the complications of love and the inevitable pain it at times causes but let’s face it, sex by yourself is only fun for so long. When we come to terms with the fact that we’re not Rachel McAdams and Ryan Gosling is not going to build us a house and rip off our soaking wet clothes before telling us it still isn’t over life and love will make a little more sense. Love is about finding someone who completes you, even If he makes you completely mad sometimes. He will never be completely perfect but you won’t either. Loving only one person you’re entire life is unrealistic, no matter how dedicated you think you are the sad truth Is he may not be the only guy who makes your toes curl in this lifetime. But that’s okay, that’s normal. You just have to put human nature to the side, put love before yourself and be bigger than being human because that’s what love really is. There are however, limits to love. Not every man is worthy of your affection, you should never ever feel as if you are in a one way relationship. Okay okay, every now and then you’re going to feel that way but it should not be constant. A relationship is a job, it requires work but love should be effortless and a relationship should always fall back on the fact it is joined together by the emotion. Being in control of your emotions is gold, step back and examine your relationship, examine your partner. Do you think you’re being treated fairly? How you deserve? If not then address the problem, ask him to fix it and you too try your best to salvage it if you feel it worthy. Also examine yourself, is the man really the only problem or are you being overbearing and well…a woman? The golden rule is treat others how you’d like to be treated. Life is far too short to be unhappy and as a woman you have the power over who you choose to be with, use that power and demand happiness and all though a break up may feel like the end of the world it is in fact just the beginning of a new journey; another chance at love. You cannot and will not win them all, just dust off your cardiac muscle and wait patiently till you experience the next sparks with a man who we are going to assume is far more attractive than the last and has a fantastic job. It’s okay to dream big as long as you keep your heart open and understand no matter what type of guy your Cosmo quiz tells you that you belong with your heart will fall for whomever it chooses, even if he isn’t out of J.Crew like you planned.
Remember, you are woman, hear you roar.
Kayla.
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