I thought I'd be the one to save you,
I never thought I'd hurt you so.
You were the half that made me,
I didn't plan to let you go.
It hurt to see the pain in your eyes,
To see a warm heart become so cold.
It hurt to know I did that,
Its a regret I'm sure to hold.
To think back on every memory,
Every tremble and every kiss.
It aches to know you believed in me,
And I just left you with this.
I hope one day the walls come down,
Its always been so beautiful inside.
I hope you find that warmth again,
I'd give anything to see you smile.
Friday, November 18, 2011
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Last Stop on the Pity Train Today: IDGAF Central.
Oh I’m annoyed. So, so very annoyed. I mean it’s my fault, in all reality I should just delete my facebook and pretend that people aren’t as ignorant as they really are seeing as in real life I wouldn’t be close enough ever to any of these irritating girls to be aware of their lack of common sense and surplus of baby making ability. And don’t get me wrong I sincerely wish I was writing today about something positive, something to put a smile on your face but that went out the window along with my patience for ignorant people this morning. So if you were hoping for a pick me up, this is not the place. However if you were looking for some good ol’ bashing…I can give that to you. I am hitting all kinds of topics this morning: idiots reproducing, bad friends and little girls trying to grow up far too fast and landing somewhere between trashy and wtf.
Now this is something that has been nagging at me forever, I am going to talk about certain situations and I want no one to take offense. I am just telling you my view on it, it doesn’t mean it’s the right view or even one that’s worth reading but it’s my blog so we’ve already discussed that little “X” at the top right hand portion of your screen. Don’t go whine to someone later saying how mean I am, wah wah wah. I respect everyone as individuals and this is honestly not directed at any of my friends so if you think it’s about you I assure you it’s not because I am aware the people I am writing about either don’t read this or don’t know me. Now that all the technical stuff is out of the way let’s get to the good stuff.
Having kids is a choice. Every time you have sex, you are running the risk of pregnancy. Now some people are on/using birth control, which I am aware is only 99% effective although almost 100% of accidents happen when it’s not being used properly. So I feel for those people, it was a legitimately unplanned and just unfortunate. But there are those couples…oh those couples…that used no form of protection and somehow thought that was effective. “We weren’t planning it, it was an accident” well sticking a penis inside a vagina, is a pretty damn good way to make a Baby, I mean even public schools teach you that. So don’t call it an accident, because you would have had to have been actively trying to keep it from happening for it to have been an accident. And I realize that little surprises happen all the time… I may be a victim of that one day, but I won’t pretend it wasn’t my fault because one night..or day.. depending on how feisty I was I would have clearly had to have slipped up to get those two little taunting lines. And I will be happy about it, because there is nothing in the world more joyous than a baby and honestly if I could stay home all day and be married to a millionaire (I have to have nice stuff) then I would have 10 kids, because I seriously love being a Mom and I love being able to mold little people into hopefully productive members of society. This whole paragraph was really building up to one thing. Bitches who get pregnant on purpose, generally to keep a guy. The next time I have to hear a God Blessed pity party about how he left you and you’re stuck raising a kid alone, I swear I’m going to kick a puppy or club a baby seal. Remember how excited you were? Oh it’s going to be great, we’re going to be a family, he’s not going to leave me. Surprise, surprise when it doesn’t work out. You know whose fault that is? Yours. You lied about birth control or chose not to use it, even if he was aware and involved that doesn’t bind him to you with a contract. Yeah it sucks but it’s YOUR fault. I am not going to feel bad for you because you made bad decisions. There are people in the world with real problems, people who didn’t ask for the troubles they have. I recommend a big ol’ glass of suck it the fuck up for you. So for the girls who choose to have kids and then whine about not having a social life, that was your choice also, you made poor life decisions and no one put a gun to your head. I know everyone needs a break every now and then, trust me I’ve been there but if I don’t get it, it’s not because life is unfair, it’s because I chose to be a Mom. And just to appease those of you who love this topic, Mom’s who go out and party every night. You’re trashy. Yes, I went there. Grow up, especially if you’re out there buying beer while I, a TAX PAYER is paying for your WIC and FOODSTAMPS. Seriously? I am so glad that the fact that I want to actually support my kids is in turn helping me support yours. Before you say anything, I know, I know, I’m great and you’re welcome. Hell, I may do more for you than your baby daddy does. I know how hard it is to support your partying habit and still put food on the table. And keep on being white trash, drink every night, bring home your minimum wage and government checks, I need people like you in the world so I can give my kids examples of how not to be. So no, thank YOU.
Bad friends, Oh…. I’ve been contemplating you for a while. You see I only have one girlfriend that I can actually say I share everything with and feel comfortable doing so, and I love her, she’s the best. She never lets me down and gives in just as much if not more for our friendship and I appreciate her for it. Thank you, Lora. Seriously. Not saying that she’s my only friend, because I have a huge group of girls (and guys) that I love and have great relationships with and you all rock and I don’t want you to think I don’t appreciate you and your time…especially Kevin…because poor Kevin has to listen to me bitch almost weekly and that has got to suck. Now I have recently…well in the last year made a pretty big decision: I am DONE being the only person in a friendship. You don’t have time to hang out? Well that isn’t my problem, I am not going to even ask because I don’t need friends like that. I am at a place in my life where I need mature, grown up friends. I am not going to make an effort if you don’t. When I go to do something, I am not going to waste my time calling “friends” who never call me. I have real friends who actually attempt at a relationship, so yeah, if I’m not jumping every time you want to hang out, it’s because I am done being the one on the string.
Oh, little girls. I was a little girl once…actually wasn’t so long ago… anyway, this consistent underage drinking…well in some cases of age but right now I’m focusing on teeny boppers, is getting out of hand. I’m not going to pretend I was a perfect kid and never drank, I actually got so blitzed on my 17th birthday that I took my top off and spent the rest of the night in underwear crying and puking simultaneously while some kid I barely knew held my hair. Yeah…not my proudest moment but I’m just showing you that I can relate. I like drinking, don’t get me wrong, I can’t go more than a week without a glass of wine. That however is something I developed after I turned 21 because beforehand I just felt terrible breaking the law, I know its silly right. And if you are old enough to legally get as wasted as physically possible, have at it. But what I am seeing is a trend of these kids that are either still in or barely out of high school drinking like every night. I mean I get that its fun, but do you realize how trashy it makes you look? Is that how you want people to see you? I mean I’m sure you don’t care, a rebel without a cause and all but that is not how to be a respectable young lady. Sure Saturday nights are great for letting loose, but even then…a month of Saturday nights is looking a bit rough. I bet you feel on top of the world. So grown up because you can consume alcohol. For the record, beer makes you fat, staying up all night gives you dark circles and all that lovely liquor is killing your liver, so have at it. When you are finally old enough to drink you’ll already be so washed up that all those night won’t have looked as glamorous now. I see it ALL the time. And I’m not saying this to be mean, and it’s not the case for everyone and isn’t specifically directed at anyone. I just hate seeing girls with potential wash themselves down the drain. You may say you don’t care how people see you, but trust me you do and you will. Carry yourself in a fashion that you would respect. If you think an 18 year old girl getting drunk every night is something to look up to then congratulations, you’re setting a great example. However any class you may think you have is strictly in your head.
So in conclusion, sure I’m a bitch. I don’t filter when I should, I am high maintenance, I put people down when no one else will, I am not perfect, I am also not one to take anyone else’s shit. You can take it or leave it, just like this blog. You don’t like me? I’m sorry, it’s unfortunate but I am how I am. I am not a puppet and I am not out to make the world happy. I live by a simple motto, which is mine…..like I made it up although I’m sure eventually someone will use it after reading me write it will then claim it or whatever (but that’s a whole other blog altogether), anyways, “Be someone that you can be proud of”. If you can step back and look at your life and say, “you know what, THAT is a person who cares. That is someone who has it together and tries their hardest” then you, my friend, are on the right track. If you look at it and say “Who turned on Jersey Shore” you seriously need to get your shit together if you have any hopes of being pretty much anything other than a bar whore. Enjoy being young, but don’t be trashy. It’s just not fitting, you are worth so much more than that. And last but not least, don’t open your legs if you’re just going to bitch about cause and effect later, no one wants to hear that. This concludes my rant. I hope you don’t hate me…because I’m human and I actually care what you think but if by sad chance you do..I think I’ll be okay.
Now this is something that has been nagging at me forever, I am going to talk about certain situations and I want no one to take offense. I am just telling you my view on it, it doesn’t mean it’s the right view or even one that’s worth reading but it’s my blog so we’ve already discussed that little “X” at the top right hand portion of your screen. Don’t go whine to someone later saying how mean I am, wah wah wah. I respect everyone as individuals and this is honestly not directed at any of my friends so if you think it’s about you I assure you it’s not because I am aware the people I am writing about either don’t read this or don’t know me. Now that all the technical stuff is out of the way let’s get to the good stuff.
Having kids is a choice. Every time you have sex, you are running the risk of pregnancy. Now some people are on/using birth control, which I am aware is only 99% effective although almost 100% of accidents happen when it’s not being used properly. So I feel for those people, it was a legitimately unplanned and just unfortunate. But there are those couples…oh those couples…that used no form of protection and somehow thought that was effective. “We weren’t planning it, it was an accident” well sticking a penis inside a vagina, is a pretty damn good way to make a Baby, I mean even public schools teach you that. So don’t call it an accident, because you would have had to have been actively trying to keep it from happening for it to have been an accident. And I realize that little surprises happen all the time… I may be a victim of that one day, but I won’t pretend it wasn’t my fault because one night..or day.. depending on how feisty I was I would have clearly had to have slipped up to get those two little taunting lines. And I will be happy about it, because there is nothing in the world more joyous than a baby and honestly if I could stay home all day and be married to a millionaire (I have to have nice stuff) then I would have 10 kids, because I seriously love being a Mom and I love being able to mold little people into hopefully productive members of society. This whole paragraph was really building up to one thing. Bitches who get pregnant on purpose, generally to keep a guy. The next time I have to hear a God Blessed pity party about how he left you and you’re stuck raising a kid alone, I swear I’m going to kick a puppy or club a baby seal. Remember how excited you were? Oh it’s going to be great, we’re going to be a family, he’s not going to leave me. Surprise, surprise when it doesn’t work out. You know whose fault that is? Yours. You lied about birth control or chose not to use it, even if he was aware and involved that doesn’t bind him to you with a contract. Yeah it sucks but it’s YOUR fault. I am not going to feel bad for you because you made bad decisions. There are people in the world with real problems, people who didn’t ask for the troubles they have. I recommend a big ol’ glass of suck it the fuck up for you. So for the girls who choose to have kids and then whine about not having a social life, that was your choice also, you made poor life decisions and no one put a gun to your head. I know everyone needs a break every now and then, trust me I’ve been there but if I don’t get it, it’s not because life is unfair, it’s because I chose to be a Mom. And just to appease those of you who love this topic, Mom’s who go out and party every night. You’re trashy. Yes, I went there. Grow up, especially if you’re out there buying beer while I, a TAX PAYER is paying for your WIC and FOODSTAMPS. Seriously? I am so glad that the fact that I want to actually support my kids is in turn helping me support yours. Before you say anything, I know, I know, I’m great and you’re welcome. Hell, I may do more for you than your baby daddy does. I know how hard it is to support your partying habit and still put food on the table. And keep on being white trash, drink every night, bring home your minimum wage and government checks, I need people like you in the world so I can give my kids examples of how not to be. So no, thank YOU.
Bad friends, Oh…. I’ve been contemplating you for a while. You see I only have one girlfriend that I can actually say I share everything with and feel comfortable doing so, and I love her, she’s the best. She never lets me down and gives in just as much if not more for our friendship and I appreciate her for it. Thank you, Lora. Seriously. Not saying that she’s my only friend, because I have a huge group of girls (and guys) that I love and have great relationships with and you all rock and I don’t want you to think I don’t appreciate you and your time…especially Kevin…because poor Kevin has to listen to me bitch almost weekly and that has got to suck. Now I have recently…well in the last year made a pretty big decision: I am DONE being the only person in a friendship. You don’t have time to hang out? Well that isn’t my problem, I am not going to even ask because I don’t need friends like that. I am at a place in my life where I need mature, grown up friends. I am not going to make an effort if you don’t. When I go to do something, I am not going to waste my time calling “friends” who never call me. I have real friends who actually attempt at a relationship, so yeah, if I’m not jumping every time you want to hang out, it’s because I am done being the one on the string.
Oh, little girls. I was a little girl once…actually wasn’t so long ago… anyway, this consistent underage drinking…well in some cases of age but right now I’m focusing on teeny boppers, is getting out of hand. I’m not going to pretend I was a perfect kid and never drank, I actually got so blitzed on my 17th birthday that I took my top off and spent the rest of the night in underwear crying and puking simultaneously while some kid I barely knew held my hair. Yeah…not my proudest moment but I’m just showing you that I can relate. I like drinking, don’t get me wrong, I can’t go more than a week without a glass of wine. That however is something I developed after I turned 21 because beforehand I just felt terrible breaking the law, I know its silly right. And if you are old enough to legally get as wasted as physically possible, have at it. But what I am seeing is a trend of these kids that are either still in or barely out of high school drinking like every night. I mean I get that its fun, but do you realize how trashy it makes you look? Is that how you want people to see you? I mean I’m sure you don’t care, a rebel without a cause and all but that is not how to be a respectable young lady. Sure Saturday nights are great for letting loose, but even then…a month of Saturday nights is looking a bit rough. I bet you feel on top of the world. So grown up because you can consume alcohol. For the record, beer makes you fat, staying up all night gives you dark circles and all that lovely liquor is killing your liver, so have at it. When you are finally old enough to drink you’ll already be so washed up that all those night won’t have looked as glamorous now. I see it ALL the time. And I’m not saying this to be mean, and it’s not the case for everyone and isn’t specifically directed at anyone. I just hate seeing girls with potential wash themselves down the drain. You may say you don’t care how people see you, but trust me you do and you will. Carry yourself in a fashion that you would respect. If you think an 18 year old girl getting drunk every night is something to look up to then congratulations, you’re setting a great example. However any class you may think you have is strictly in your head.
So in conclusion, sure I’m a bitch. I don’t filter when I should, I am high maintenance, I put people down when no one else will, I am not perfect, I am also not one to take anyone else’s shit. You can take it or leave it, just like this blog. You don’t like me? I’m sorry, it’s unfortunate but I am how I am. I am not a puppet and I am not out to make the world happy. I live by a simple motto, which is mine…..like I made it up although I’m sure eventually someone will use it after reading me write it will then claim it or whatever (but that’s a whole other blog altogether), anyways, “Be someone that you can be proud of”. If you can step back and look at your life and say, “you know what, THAT is a person who cares. That is someone who has it together and tries their hardest” then you, my friend, are on the right track. If you look at it and say “Who turned on Jersey Shore” you seriously need to get your shit together if you have any hopes of being pretty much anything other than a bar whore. Enjoy being young, but don’t be trashy. It’s just not fitting, you are worth so much more than that. And last but not least, don’t open your legs if you’re just going to bitch about cause and effect later, no one wants to hear that. This concludes my rant. I hope you don’t hate me…because I’m human and I actually care what you think but if by sad chance you do..I think I’ll be okay.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
One Fine Day.
Perhaps one day I’ll find contentment in things which I can, but choose not to change. Maybe if I’m lucky the lines between happiness and misery will thin into a gray area in which my heart can reside. If mercy finds me in some distant future then by luck or chance I may come across the pieces of me I’ve managed to lose throughout the years. If I ever find myself, I will find what I’ve been Looking for.
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